I Am From…

I am from Jaysun and Anne Stockdell-Giesler, from an artist and a writer. From learning to never end a sentence with a preposition by the age of 6 and laughing along as my math homework stumped even my father. I am from a long history of English degrees, of creative writing and PhD’s. From the…

Rewrite The Written

They say I have your words your state of mind and your empathetic demeanor. They say I carry you and your heart alongside mine and your pen in my hand. Am I your walking ghost? Am I a disarrayed collection of all you were, masked behind all your features and my own green eyes? I…

Coddiwomple

Life is really, truly, wholeheartedly beautiful. In every stupid overused cliche, in each song about feeling reborn, I guess there really is some truth to be found. I have only been here for ten days and I feel more consistently alive than I have in longer than I can remember. There are no spouts of…

*You’re

I almost wish we’d never met. You stole six months from me, only half of which filled with naive apprehension and adoration. Even then, can the feeling of unknowingness ever truly be happy? Safe? Okay? I found myself drowning in the anxiety of question marks coating my skin, even then. The remaining three months were…

I Only Told The Moon

I feel scared and alone. Now, I know I am not actually alone; I have loving support just a call away and an entire set of heartbeats backing my steps. Knowing that doesn’t stop the feeling, though. No matter how many times I chant a mantra of serenity, the harsh reality of being cast into…

Illusionary Hopes

I need to let go of the illusion that it could have been any different. Any of it, really. I couldn’t have saved her. Cancer isn’t something you can just hope away. No matter what I did, nothing could’ve changed the terminal diagnosis hanging over her head. Not three thousand glasses of lemon water, not…

The Way They Leave Tells You Everything.

I shouldn’t be laying on my bedroom floor in my now dried towel at 3 A.M. after my 4th shower of trying to wash you off of me. I shouldn’t be driving myself insane over the questions of who she was, of who she is, of what she is that I’m not, of why I…

Promises

I’ve never known a promise that wasn’t broken so don’t promise me this isn’t the end when all that’ll do is carve this day as our expiration. You see, I’ve learned enough about promises to know they almost function as a curse. I promised to always treat myself with the kindness I’d treat my own…

Flicker

Just a little flame quick to burn out just a little something to keep you warm between bodies is that what I was to you? what we were? just a small flame, flickering in the dark until the wax dripped down completely and the wick burnt out, until there was nothing left to be said….

Scintilla

And the worst part is, it was never even fully real to begin with. Was it? It was a rendezvous between a rantipole and a flight risk and regardless of how careful you are, combinations of that sort never end well. Do they? Destined to collapse into oceans you once flew over together or burn…

Exodus

While I do find beauty in metaphors, I think there’s something terrifyingly fascinating about being straightforward. Here, let me explain. In a metaphorical sense, these past four years have been to me as Apollo was to Daphne, as streptococcus pneumoniae is to the human body, as a chrysalis is to a caterpillar.   To be…

Augie

Echoed footsteps on cold tile and sisterly giggles filling the murky summer air. “Augie slow down! Your legs are toooo looooong.” Listen closely and you can hear the salt water pool splashing and circulating, only a window away. Breathe deeply and you can taste it. You can count the people we’ve loved by the freckles…

Liquid Love

I have so much love within me so much luminous love and sometimes, I find it overflowing and spilling into the wrong hands. I don’t intend for it to but once it does, once it’s floating someone’s palm it stays there until they let it slip through their fingers. Even then, fragments of my love…

Four Years, 224 Posts, And 57,288 Words Later

Here we are. It’s been four years since this little blog came into being. Four entire years of poetry, prose, short stories, and everything my mind could muster in between. You can find stolen glances of arguably the most significant years of my life on here, little intimate views into my candid mind, an open diary….

Sweet Nothings

You call me sweet little nothings and each breath turns them into somethings. Your lips have the ability to melt harsh syllables into melodic symphonies and completely cover me when you speak. I am not sure whether or not this is real, whether this is a mirage or if this is hope manifested but that…

Never Read

I have posts upon poems that will never see the light of day, not because they aren’t worthy but rather because they are from a time I have since grown. They no longer reflect my current composure and it would be almost a lie to send them out into the world now, as I no…

Where Are You?

I promised I’d always find you but you’ve stolen the sun and now I’m lost.

Writer’s Decongestant

Now I know that this is not a time for us. There are too many miles separating and not enough trust to build off of. I am not asking that you ignore those circumstances, that would be far beyond reason to ask of even myself. In fact, I am not asking anything of you at…

Desiderium

I believe a person has multiple soulmates; one for each part of who they are. I wholeheartedly believe you were the soulmate of all the best, most beautiful parts of me.

I Wrote This For You

I am writing this for you. The you who knows me through and through, despite what you may believe, anymore. The you who knows my speech patterns like the chorus to your favorite song and the inside of my hands like your own personal roadmap to our made up constellations. I am writing this in…

Do You?

I want to ask what you think of me. I want to know your candid thoughts when you hear my name. I want to know what swims through your mind when you hear a song I used to sing, windows down, blasting. I want to know if you ever think of me the same times…

I Used To Hold Those Eyes In Mine

I am terrified I will see you look at her the way you used to look at me and I will feel every bone in my body turn to dust under the pressure of my suddenly still heart.

An Eclipse

With you no longer here, no longer in my arms or even the same country, the light has dimmed. You are the sun, the brightness in my life and without you here, the days resume the same dullness the held before you. Tonight starts the month-long eclipse.

3 Years Later

I never expected people to care. It was never in my mind that individuals in 30 different countries would have my blog address memorized and be visiting it routinely, that there would be fan art made of my words. All this was to me was writing but now, it has become so much more. I remember…

It’s Never You

I never could take my eyes off you. Now, I find myself looking to every opening door and hoping it’s you on the other side.

Sugar Coating The Bullet

When you told me you still wanted to be in my life, I couldn’t read my own thoughts. I felt utter sadness yet also complete frustration. I will always want you in my life but not in that way. I don’t want you laughing across the table with my friends while I sit there, acting…

Broken Record

“I love you.” “I love you too.” From the very beginning, there was something there. We nurtured it and watched it bloom into something so incredibly profound. Nobody really understood but nobody questioned it. It was written in the oldest of tales. We were whole together. “I love you.” “Love ya too.” You began to…

Me: An Update

It’s been a long time since I have written of myself, of how I am doing with life at the moment. Maybe too long, possibly not long enough. There isn’t really a way to tell. Things have been rather grand the past week or so. I became a part of something I never fathomed I…

Sonder

It’s rather curious that each individual, each stranger has a life just as complex (if not more) as our own. It’s even more so bizarre that we can’t truly ever comprehend that. The man on the subway. His blank stare gives off little so nothing other than numbness, though there is something behind it. He has…

We Are Chaos

We are chaos. We fall apart just to fall back into each other. Our muscles are sore and cramping from trying to keep up and the world is spinning as our dizzy heads refuse to settle. There are moments of complete, entire bliss. We find a safe little latibule to reside within, at least before…

It Hurts To Think Of December

Coming up this December, it’ll be three years since I last saw you. Three years since I heard your voice, felt your warmth, existed with you. That doesn’t feel real. I wish it wasn’t. Hell, I’d do anything to have you back, healthy. That night, you were carried out the door in a black body…

Why I Write

Some people have a problem with the fact that I blog, and believe I do it simply because I have nothing better to do, for attention, and to copy others. Truthfully, they couldn’t be any further from the truth. I have my reasons for my writing, and I always will. I write first and for…