The Way They Leave Tells You Everything.

I shouldn’t be laying on my bedroom floor in my now dried towel at 3 A.M. after my 4th shower of trying to wash you off of me. I shouldn’t be driving myself insane over the questions of who she was, of who she is, of what she is that I’m not, of why I…

Promises

I’ve never known a promise that wasn’t broken so don’t promise me this isn’t the end when all that’ll do is carve this day as our expiration. You see, I’ve learned enough about promises to know they almost function as a curse. I promised to always treat myself with the kindness I’d treat my own…

Emotional Sensations

I can feel it. I can already feel it and I’m scared. I can feel the sun from your eyes warming my skin after months of being frozen over. I can feel my heart start to rush into melody every time I hear your name. I can feel my hands always searching for yours, even…

The Last Six Months, Sonicallly

Someone New // Banks Hard Feelings/Loveless // Lorde Supercut // Lorde You Should Talk // Fletcher Sad Beautiful Tragic // Taylor Swift Cotton Candy Skies // Sean Bolton Back To December // Taylor Swift Appointments // Julien Baker All These Years // Camila Cabello Reflections // The Neighbourhood These Songs Are Yours // Andrew Douglas…

Liquid Love

I have so much love within me so much luminous love and sometimes, I find it overflowing and spilling into the wrong hands. I don’t intend for it to but once it does, once it’s floating someone’s palm it stays there until they let it slip through their fingers. Even then, fragments of my love…

Sweet Nothings

You call me sweet little nothings and each breath turns them into somethings. Your lips have the ability to melt harsh syllables into melodic symphonies and completely cover me when you speak. I am not sure whether or not this is real, whether this is a mirage or if this is hope manifested but that…

I’m Freezing Over

I don’t understand how you can claim to love someone still so deeply yet feed them icy silence, ignoring their open hand.

Bonfire Heart

I was aimlessly flipping through my journals aged three years, only to see a letter I had begun to write for you a couple months ago. Buried beneath pages filled with ramblings from a freshman class, there was my handwriting from only a few months ago, graphite still fresh. “Dearest, There are no words for…

Desiderium

I believe a person has multiple soulmates; one for each part of who they are. I wholeheartedly believe you were the soulmate of all the best, most beautiful parts of me.

I Wrote This For You

I am writing this for you. The you who knows me through and through, despite what you may believe, anymore. The you who knows my speech patterns like the chorus to your favorite song and the inside of my hands like your own personal roadmap to our made up constellations. I am writing this in…

Nepenthe

Sitting in the passenger seat as you leaned over the middle console, serenading me between kisses, promising to share our lives for the next ten minutes. I could feel a smile spread across your face, your cheeks turning upwards against mine. Every constellation was watching us with marvelous envy, wishing desperately they could be as…

I Used To Hold Those Eyes In Mine

I am terrified I will see you look at her the way you used to look at me and I will feel every bone in my body turn to dust under the pressure of my suddenly still heart.

Always Beside You

You will find me swimming in your mid afternoon coffee and gently staining your upper lip. I’m the string on your guitar that keeps going just slightly out of tune, and only so much to make you laugh and tune me right back up . I will be the single snowflake falling perfectly onto your…

Homesick

Ever since you stepped off my doorstep and boarded the plane, I’ve found myself subconsciously wishing each one passing overhead is one holding you brining you back home to me. It’s only been four days and it feels like weeks. I spend each hour finding new ways to miss you and with each day comes a…

An Eclipse

With you no longer here, no longer in my arms or even the same country, the light has dimmed. You are the sun, the brightness in my life and without you here, the days resume the same dullness the held before you. Tonight starts the month-long eclipse.

Overpass

Headlights passing passing passing Perched on the overhang of the overpass with you beside me. Arm wrapped gently around my shoulders holding me close holding me together. The tip of the unnoticeably less than full moon begins to radiate through the distant bare trees. I looked over at you and realized the moon resembled the reflection of…

Wildflower Words

And here my writing returns back to the oh-so-expected sense of romance the stereotypical and too often dull sense of imagined spark of a seemingly blinded heart falling without any way of catching something to lighten the fall. Poetry of such can far too often turn to a routine written by a blatherskite but life is so…

Your Last Poem

No. No, you know what? You don’t deserve to know my thoughts and the way you’ve been circling my mind. You don’t deserve to have your venomous eyes glorified and romanticized into some beautiful metaphor they are not. You don’t deserve to be painted as something pure, like you did no wrong because in the…

188 Memories And Photographs

I deleted all of our pictures yesterday.  It was like deleting memories Smiles Laughter The times you still loved me. I went through my phone and one by one deleted each of the 188 photographs of you, Of us. 188 memories. I knew I had to do it I couldn’t avoid it forever. Those photos…

The Difference Between The Way You Loved Me And The Way I Loved You

I think I figured it out.  From the very beginning, you had this idea of me, this fictionalized version of who you thought I was. To you, I was beautiful. I was beautifully broken and brilliantly bright. I was this extraordinary mystery you wanted to solve, to cure. I was an adventure that you so…

Our Own Greek Tragedy

I thought we were the daughter of Apollo and son of Hephaestus. I now know I am the daughter of Anteros and you are the son of Ares.

I’m Still Learning

Somewhere in the fall, I lost the map to the personal universe behind my green grey eyes. My head is spinning as I try to comprehend which habits are mine and which I created to please you. The spinning changes course as I try to remember the pieces of me I deleted for you, giving me…

The Afterthought

It’s really interesting rather funny, actually how we found ourselves in the opposite position we imagined. In the beginning, you were the one chasing after me with your alternative songs and sincere words I was the one giving you, giving us another chance. We both knew I had been the one who had lost feelings in…

Stained

You always told me you were poisonous that in the end, you would end up with inky blood on your hands and dripping from your name. I never believed you. Not for a moment. You were mortified by the thought of your ink staining my delicate skin, my pages. You wanted anything but to hurt me. I…

I Will Not Lie

I will not lie. I still miss him. I miss the way he’d pull me in, causing me to fall into him. I miss his incredibly beautiful genuine smile that only appeared once in awhile. I long for our car rides with music blasting and beating in time with our hearts. I miss watching him…

It’s Never You

I never could take my eyes off you. Now, I find myself looking to every opening door and hoping it’s you on the other side.

I Am Still That Girl

When we ended, it wasn’t peaceful. Now, I am still entirely broken and you are perfectly fine. You aren’t missing me and in fact, you are happier than you ever were with me. I am happy you are happy, please understand that. I just wish I could be the one inspiring that smile.   Years…

The Last Kiss

When you kissed me that night, when you touched my cheek and gently turned it to face you, when your lips met mine that last time, when you kissed me and you knew you never would again, that was when all the angels fell.

Broken Record

“I love you.” “I love you too.” From the very beginning, there was something there. We nurtured it and watched it bloom into something so incredibly profound. Nobody really understood but nobody questioned it. It was written in the oldest of tales. We were whole together. “I love you.” “Love ya too.” You began to…

We Are Chaos

We are chaos. We fall apart just to fall back into each other. Our muscles are sore and cramping from trying to keep up and the world is spinning as our dizzy heads refuse to settle. There are moments of complete, entire bliss. We find a safe little latibule to reside within, at least before…

Your Arms Are The Map

I have always wanted to see the world. You know that. I babble on and on endlessly to you about how I am desperate to just soak in the London rain and watch the sunsets Luxor. You also know I am not really the best with change, with packing my things and being on my…

Deconstructed

You took me apart piece by piece. Separated each fragment of my body and my soul and laid me along the earth. I thought you looked at me like I was one of Neptune’s moons but I didn’t realize you were analyzing me the way a predator does prey.   You pushed aside my  poetry…

Heartbeat

You are still wrapped up in my blankets in a “cocoon” sitting on my floor with your back against my closet door. I am leaning on you head in your lap cushioned by several layers of my duvet and grey throw. I hear- no. I feel your heartbeat against my head gently through your band…

Fading Flashbacks

There are days, weeks even that I swear I am okay. All is okay until I hear a laugh that sounds vaguely like yours or see a sweater in a store that you would have adored. Everything collapses in those moments. I feel my stomach drop onto the pavement or the sterilized linoleum. Each of…

Simplicity

We could just sit for hours on end and just exist, just us and the air around us. Lungs filling with the humid atmosphere and exhaling gentle breath into the void hands entangled within the clay and grass blades pinkies latched together creating promises in our own silent language. I’d be happy with that. I could…

I Want To Tell You

I want to cup your gentle face in my hands and tell you all of the endless wonders that I can see swimming in your eyes. I want to tell you the way I feel sunlight shine through our skin and clouds dance along our heads, as if we are skyscrapers. I want to tell you how…

Forelsket

I know when you are with somebody, they are supposed to make you happy, so incredibly happy that you feel like flying but when you smile I forget everything I was going to say and I feel my cheeks tighten as your smile is instantly contagious. The way you look at me makes me feel…

Posting On Your Facebook

Sometimes I think about how you have never seen my blog. You’ve never read any of my work in the past (almost) three years or anything of which I have really felt proud. Honestly, I don’t quite remember what you did read. All I know is you always encouraged me to keep writing and writing…

The Fates Are In Our Favor

“Here’s this boy. At first, he won’t see you. He will see you, but not really. Then, he’ll look over your way in the summer and he may take his first glance. Then, things will end because you fear hurting him because that’s the last thing you would ever want. He’s so beautiful and so…

Garden

My garden is overgrown, now. It turns out you were just a dandelion; a beautiful, harmless seeming weed, invading my space.

Chemicals

C8H11NO2+C10H12N20+C43H66N12O12S2 The chemical formula for love. A substance that could produce the same feeling as love within an individual. A “love potion” brought into reality. I can’t believe I have it, finally. “Be careful, M. Overdosing on any of the substances can easily cause schizophrenia, extreme paranoia, and insanity. I trust you to use this…

Four Letters

“Love” is a four lettered word that I don’t understand and I’m not sure I ever will. You seem to be so sure of what it is, that it is something that echoes within your veins reassuring you each time. I know adoration and I know passion but I don’t quite think those are equivalent…

Vertical

I text you in the early morning when I wake before you and you text me when I am fast asleep as you study for APUSH. Think about all the stars and the way even though we are miles apart, we are admiring the same crooked constellation. I miss you endlessly and seeing you only…

On A Bench

We had spent the afternoon in a cafe on the Rue Saint-Jacques, a spring afternoon just like any other. The monarchs were dancing delicately around us to the beat of the wind’s song. This was always our favorite place to go whenever we could. He loved seeing the sweet, elderly couples walk by, joking how…

Distance

If we were drinking coffee right now, you’d probably be sitting across from me, watching me lip sync all of my favorite songs. If we were drinking coffee right now, you’d probably get up and make tea instead. If we were drinking coffee right now, I’d get lost in the freckles lining your cheeks as…

Love

I have always been the girl who will get caught in daydreams about fairytale endings and a gown of lace with buttons down the back. I’ve always wanted a loving family of a husband, two or three kids, and health. That little naive part of me still exists, somewhere underneath all of this experienced, sensible…