In 5 Years’ Time

60 months. 262 weeks. 1,821 days. 43,701 hours. Has it actually been five years since I last saw you, since you passed? I can’t really begin to comprehend that, honestly. Half the time, I can convince myself it feels like just yesterday but to be candid, it feels like it’s been a decade. You missed…

Rewrite The Written

They say I have your words your state of mind and your empathetic demeanor. They say I carry you and your heart alongside mine and your pen in my hand. Am I your walking ghost? Am I a disarrayed collection of all you were, masked behind all your features and my own green eyes? I…

I Met Evil When I Was Only A Child

I met evil when I was only a child. It stepped onto my doorstep in late February. Evil drove as we spent consecutive hours, days, weeks, months in hospital beds and folding chairs the scent of the linoleum floor and sterilized air permanently perfumed our skin and stained our memories. Evil watched as the nurses…

You’re Going To Live Forever In Me

1,461 nights ago, your heart stopped in your chest and starting beating alongside mine. Your soul left your body and ours joined seamlessly though I am not entirely sure our souls were ever separate to begin with. We are made of the same stars the same flowing ink on pages of never written novels the…

Saudade

4 years ago today I was told you wouldn’t make it. 4 years ago today I didn’t think I would either.

Remember

“Remember this.” my mind muttered to me “Remember how it feels to lay next to her, to feel her beating heart and her gentle¬†breath against your skin.” “Remember how it feels to be comforted simply by her presence, by knowing she’s right beside you.” “Remember feeling whole, complete.” I tried and I tried to hold…

Mother’s Day, Once More

Sitting here in my room missing you, again. Although, it’s not a sad feeling. It’s one of appreciation and longing. Yes, of course I do still feel empty, like I am lacking you. I am. I am missing the parts of my soul that were connected to yours. They left the same night you did….

It Hurts To Think Of December

Coming up this December, it’ll be three years since I last saw you. Three years since I heard your voice, felt your warmth, existed with you. That doesn’t feel real. I wish it wasn’t. Hell, I’d do anything to have you back, healthy. That night, you were carried out the door in a black body…

Fading Flashbacks

There are days, weeks even that I swear I am okay. All is okay until I hear a laugh that sounds vaguely like yours or see a sweater in a store that you would have adored. Everything collapses in those moments. I feel my stomach drop onto the pavement or the sterilized linoleum. Each of…

Posting On Your Facebook

Sometimes I think about how you have never seen my blog. You’ve never read any of my work in the past (almost) three years or anything of which I have really felt proud. Honestly, I don’t quite remember what you did read. All I know is you always encouraged me to keep writing and writing…

Mother’s Day

It’s your day, Mom.  I remember our last Mother’s Day. I put together a beautiful little fruit plate in the shape of a flower with a caramel candy (your favorite) in the center. You laughed when you saw it when I walked in your room with the blue hand-painted-breakfast-in-bed table. Your ear to ear grin…

Moon//Stars//Sun

We used to be like the stars and the moon; constantly together, always to be found in one another’s arms. You shone delicately as you rose each evening into the inky night sky and I followed. I looked so tiny, so minuscule compared to you, but you assured me otherwise. You were there for me…

Room 214

My shoes squeak and echo¬†on the slick floors as I feel my eyes moisten. The air is filled with an overwhelming scent of sanitizer and other various chemicals used to clean, but that somehow makes the air feel filthier. The chairs are comfortable at first, as I feel relieved to have a place to rest,…

Aftermath

It kicks you in the chest when you are so devastated and in so much pain and you pick up the phone to call the one person you can’t. It dries your throat as you realize all the “Good morning!” and “How are you? Miss you!” and “Love you!” and daily fun fact texts stop…

Remembering Her Service

December 18th, 2013. Three days after my mom passed. It was on a chilly, dark Thursday night. The people who she loved and who adored her gathered, suffocated by the pain of losing such an amazing woman. Poems were written and songs were sang. Oceans were wept and laughs were shared. It was a painful,…

Never

Where has the time gone? It seems just yesterday You were full of life and laughter, Eyes never fading to a gray. In truth it’s been several months, 11 to be exact. It feels like just yesterday We were together, laughing until we couldn’t breathe Yet slowly losing ourselves more and more every minute. There…

Bittersweet Sacrifices

My heart beats. Yours doesn’t. Blood flows fluidly through my veins. Yours has come to a halt. My chest rises and falls with every breath. Yours is forever frozen after your last. Water swallows my eyes at your memory. Yours are sealed shut, never to open again. I feel my bones creak as I walk…

2039

The year is 2039 and I still miss you the same. I am now 40 and it has been 26 years without you. They say things will be better but I am drowning in pain.   The year is 2039 and things haven’t changed. All I want is to see you again yet I must…

A Letter to Mama

I miss you so much, Mama. Things have changed so much ever since you left. I wish we could curl up into the warm, satin edged blankets on your bed, and talk about it all together, while probably watching some HGTV. But of course, we can’t. I wish we could talk about how magical Christmas…

Not About Angels

As some of you may know, “Not About Angels” is a song by 18 year old British phenomenon, Birdy. It was used in the soundtrack for the newly produced, book based The Fault In Our Stars movie. That book happened to be my favorite book, and one of my favorite actresses and favorite actor starred…

Why Writing?

It isn’t unusual for people to ask me what I love to do, and of course, I respond with “writing or literature”, and it is even more common for people to ask me why. And truth is, there are so many reasons why I right, that I don’t even realize them half the time. The…

Cancerous Hope

If cancer strikes and I’m writing my poems give me a chance to publish them. If cancer strikes and I’m flying to London give me time to land and to live. If cancer strikes and I’m laying down, almost gone, let me tell my mother I’m coming. If cancer strikes] and I’m sitting with my…

Birthdays and Birth Days

My mom would always say to me, that my birthday (October 17th, 1999) was the day I was born, but it was also her Birth Day, the day she gave birth to me. I have always loved that. Of course, it is the day the child takes their first breath, but it is also the…