The Unsolvable Mess

Maybe you are chaotic. Maybe you don’t make sense and can’t be solved but that doesn’t mean you are any less incredible. Some people are easy to put together, little puzzles to be pieced and seen but eventually, the fun of solving that puzzle is over and everything is dull. You, though. You are never…

Your Last Poem

No. No, you know what? You don’t deserve to know my thoughts and the way you’ve been circling my mind. You don’t deserve to have your venomous eyes glorified and romanticized into some beautiful metaphor they are not. You don’t deserve to be painted as something pure, like you did no wrong because in the…

It Took Me 10 Years To Learn That

I was seven years old when my mother told me the brightest, most beautiful insects were the most venomous. I was seventeen years old when I looked into your brilliantly green eyes and realized she had been right.

188 Memories And Photographs

I deleted all of our pictures yesterday.  It was like deleting memories Smiles Laughter The times you still loved me. I went through my phone and one by one deleted each of the 188 photographs of you, Of us. 188 memories. I knew I had to do it I couldn’t avoid it forever. Those photos…

The Difference Between The Way You Loved Me And The Way I Loved You

I think I figured it out.  From the very beginning, you had this idea of me, this fictionalized version of who you thought I was. To you, I was beautiful. I was beautifully broken and brilliantly bright. I was this extraordinary mystery you wanted to solve, to cure. I was an adventure that you so…

Character Sketches

She is in all ways enchanting. You didn’t know what laughter sounded like until you heard hers. It’s so pure when it’s genuine. The way she will throw her head back and squeeze her eyes shut makes her into her own piece of artwork. She is like summer; always longed for but gone far too…

Our Own Greek Tragedy

I thought we were the daughter of Apollo and son of Hephaestus. I now know I am the daughter of Anteros and you are the son of Ares.

I’m Still Learning

Somewhere in the fall, I lost the map to the personal universe behind my green grey eyes. My head is spinning as I try to comprehend which habits are mine and which I created to please you. The spinning changes course as I try to remember the pieces of me I deleted for you, giving me…

The Afterthought

It’s really interesting rather funny, actually how we found ourselves in the opposite position we imagined. In the beginning, you were the one chasing after me with your alternative songs and sincere words I was the one giving you, giving us another chance. We both knew I had been the one who had lost feelings in…

Stained

You always told me you were poisonous that in the end, you would end up with inky blood on your hands and dripping from your name. I never believed you. Not for a moment. You were mortified by the thought of your ink staining my delicate skin, my pages. You wanted anything but to hurt me. I…

This Year

I am focusing on myself this year. I have spent my entire life putting others first, not thinking twice. This of course can be a wonderful attribute to ones character, but becomes quite messy when it begins to take a toll on one’s health. I sacrifice myself for anyone over and over and over until…

I Will Not Lie

I will not lie. I still miss him. I miss the way he’d pull me in, causing me to fall into him. I miss his incredibly beautiful genuine smile that only appeared once in awhile. I long for our car rides with music blasting and beating in time with our hearts. I miss watching him…

It’s Never You

I never could take my eyes off you. Now, I find myself looking to every opening door and hoping it’s you on the other side.

I Am Still That Girl

When we ended, it wasn’t peaceful. Now, I am still entirely broken and you are perfectly fine. You aren’t missing me and in fact, you are happier than you ever were with me. I am happy you are happy, please understand that. I just wish I could be the one inspiring that smile.   Years…

The Last Kiss

When you kissed me that night, when you touched my cheek and gently turned it to face you, when your lips met mine that last time, when you kissed me and you knew you never would again, that was when all the angels fell.

Enthusiasm

Lately, I’ve been faking happiness acting like I’m okay when in actuality, all of my bones are shattered into dust remains and resting in the souls of my shoes. Before, I wasn’t really great at this. I was always told I was “as easy to read as a book” a simplistic book, I assumed. One…

After The Hurricane

After everything happened, the sobbing continued. I mean full on, ugly, pathetic sobbing even when I didn’t think I had any more tears or energy left in my body. My hands were shaking and I was gripping onto my legs like they were holding me to this damn planet. They were shaking and my fingers…

Sugar Coating The Bullet

When you told me you still wanted to be in my life, I couldn’t read my own thoughts. I felt utter sadness yet also complete frustration. I will always want you in my life but not in that way. I don’t want you laughing across the table with my friends while I sit there, acting…

Broken Record

“I love you.” “I love you too.” From the very beginning, there was something there. We nurtured it and watched it bloom into something so incredibly profound. Nobody really understood but nobody questioned it. It was written in the oldest of tales. We were whole together. “I love you.” “Love ya too.” You began to…

Poetry Of A Person

I just want someone to write me down and put me into a book because I am a messy poem struggling to understand my own combinations of the alphabet.

Me: An Update

It’s been a long time since I have written of myself, of how I am doing with life at the moment. Maybe too long, possibly not long enough. There isn’t really a way to tell. Things have been rather grand the past week or so. I became a part of something I never fathomed I…

Sonder

It’s rather curious that each individual, each stranger has a life just as complex (if not more) as our own. It’s even more so bizarre that we can’t truly ever comprehend that. The man on the subway. His blank stare gives off little so nothing other than numbness, though there is something behind it. He has…

We Are Chaos

We are chaos. We fall apart just to fall back into each other. Our muscles are sore and cramping from trying to keep up and the world is spinning as our dizzy heads refuse to settle. There are moments of complete, entire bliss. We find a safe little latibule to reside within, at least before…

I Wear My Heart Around My Neck

I wear my heart around my neck, now. It was covered by my sleeve and caged within my ribs. Here, on a delicate silver chain, it can be seen. It can feel.  Here, it is vulnerable. Here, it can be cut. Bruised. Sliced. Torn. Battered. Beaten. Here, it can be destroyed.  Here, it can be healed….

It Hurts To Think Of December

Coming up this December, it’ll be three years since I last saw you. Three years since I heard your voice, felt your warmth, existed with you. That doesn’t feel real. I wish it wasn’t. Hell, I’d do anything to have you back, healthy. That night, you were carried out the door in a black body…

Sunrise {Chapter Four}

TOBY A playlist. She needs a playlist. Eleanor is always stuck in her headphones and while I know she hears, listen, and cares about what I say, I know the truest way for her to get it is through music. I need to find 12 songs that express what my mouth can’t. “Eyes Of Blue: A…

Sunrise {Chapter Three}

ELEANOR  “Today’s weather forecast shows light rain with mild cloud coverage. Don’t go out without an umbrella today, folks! Here’s DJ Dawn with-“ Tuesday. 5:45 A.M. May 16th. Riverton, Wyoming. 82501. I have 45 minutes until I need to be at Statistics, which is conveniently on the north end of the campus. My dorm lays…

You Are Photokinetic

There’s a quote my mom once explained to me years ago. I wanted to understand it, to see it the way she did, the way she wanted me to see it. I couldn’t quite grasp it, though. Years later, I have begun to comprehend the 33 words. “An entire sea of water can’t sink a…

Sunrise {Chapter Two}

TOBY She is so, so, so, so, so, so, so, just… damn. There’s not a word for her. She’s just her. She’s just Eleanor Alexis Paylor. She doesn’t need to be any more than that. She tells me she lives with “liberosis”, the desire to care less about things. I respect that she feels that way, but…

Disintegrate

sometimes things just d   w   i  n   d   l   e d o w n to nothing. you can just feel disintegrating in your lungs in your left-side brain in your shoulders in your stomach as the acid rises in your shaking hands until it is all gone and nothing is left. nothing left but ashes and dust.

Your Arms Are The Map

I have always wanted to see the world. You know that. I babble on and on endlessly to you about how I am desperate to just soak in the London rain and watch the sunsets Luxor. You also know I am not really the best with change, with packing my things and being on my…

Sunrise {Chapter One}

ELEANOR   Every sunrise in Riverton, Wyoming is nothing short of average, but each morning Toby is determined to make me see it the way he does. He calls me at ungodly hours of the morning telling me how “the stars are descending at such a pace that signifies a change in my morning attitude” and “the altocumulus…

Happiness//Healing

I hope that someday you become so filled with happiness that it heals each and every broken part of you.

Deconstructed

You took me apart piece by piece. Separated each fragment of my body and my soul and laid me along the earth. I thought you looked at me like I was one of Neptune’s moons but I didn’t realize you were analyzing me the way a predator does prey.   You pushed aside my  poetry…

14 Tips For Your 14 Years

-Learn to love yourself before putting your love into another. Arden -High school is overwhelming. Don’t fall behind on your assignments. Arden -Find your passion. That’s when you’ll discover it doesn’t matter what people think. Maya S.  -Loving yourself is the most important thing a girl can do. You can’t just say it, you have…

Things I Wanted To Say But Never Did

You destroyed me. Like, you really, really messed me up. Not the little paper cut that can be healed with a band aid. You left a gaping wound winding across my torso. Stitches became a joke and I was left to bleed onto that hallway carpet alone. I loved you. I knew I cared about you…

Naiya

You are really underappreciated. I know I remind you constantly of how much I adore you and how deeply you’ve impacted my life. I don’t remind you enough, though. I could take every waking moment of each day for the next 30 years to tell you “I love you and you are important”. Assuming 8…

Flames

What is so wrong with me that I end up hurting everyone I come in contact with? Every person, every soul ends up tinged tainted tattered Is it something in my blood? Is there yet another chemical imbalance within my brain, creating every hopeful relationship I have with another person, only to mechanically turn it…

Collision

We are broken people. We are such chaotically, incredibly broken people. Rust carries worn out words through our veins. Our ears ring with the sounds of oceans and insincerity.  We are two disasters; a hurricane and a volcanic eruption. Each of our worlds are so vastly different and complex. We are the daughter of Apollo and the son…

Anonymous Letters To Anonymous People

It’s weird; I’ve become sort of numb, used to feeling your absence now. It will tap me on the shoulder on occasion, but it never truly, fully hits me. I think I’ve blocked it out. I think I stopped allowing myself to feel such things awhile ago. It’s been so gradual and subtle that it didn’t phase…

Heartbeat

You are still wrapped up in my blankets in a “cocoon” sitting on my floor with your back against my closet door. I am leaning on you head in your lap cushioned by several layers of my duvet and grey throw. I hear- no. I feel your heartbeat against my head gently through your band…

Fading Flashbacks

There are days, weeks even that I swear I am okay. All is okay until I hear a laugh that sounds vaguely like yours or see a sweater in a store that you would have adored. Everything collapses in those moments. I feel my stomach drop onto the pavement or the sterilized linoleum. Each of…

Simplicity

We could just sit for hours on end and just exist, just us and the air around us. Lungs filling with the humid atmosphere and exhaling gentle breath into the void hands entangled within the clay and grass blades pinkies latched together creating promises in our own silent language. I’d be happy with that. I could…

I Want To Tell You

I want to cup your gentle face in my hands and tell you all of the endless wonders that I can see swimming in your eyes. I want to tell you the way I feel sunlight shine through our skin and clouds dance along our heads, as if we are skyscrapers. I want to tell you how…