I Learned A Lot About Being A Friend When I Was Alone

I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone. Crowded rooms are consistently the most complicated and lonely places to find oneself. Standing alone while clusters of your former friends close themselves off to you is more painful than comprehensible. You lose basic knowledge of how to stand comfortably, of what to…

Augie

Echoed footsteps on cold tile and sisterly giggles filling the murky summer air. “Augie slow down! Your legs are toooo looooong.” Listen closely and you can hear the salt water pool splashing and circulating, only a window away. Breathe deeply and you can taste it. You can count the people we’ve loved by the freckles…

Four Years, 224 Posts, And 57,288 Words Later

Here we are. It’s been four years since this little blog came into being. Four entire years of poetry, prose, short stories, and everything my mind could muster in between. You can find stolen glances of arguably the most significant years of my life on here, little intimate views into my candid mind, an open diary….

A Personal Revolution

It’s so much harder to write when you’re happy. When you’re drowning and overwhelmed by emotion, the thoughts pour onto pages as fluidly as water finally causing a rupture in a dam, but when you feel light within you, words become secondary. Nothing even begins to come close to the feeling of a thousand suns…

Revival

There are journals and canvases scattered all over the floor left from my 2 AM song lyrics and watercolor ramblings and somehow, their disarrayed arrangement is art within itself that kind of organized chaos I feel like it reflects what my mind looks like currently. Watercolored silhouettes with blended colors, all nonsense unless explained yet…

I’m Still Learning

Somewhere in the fall, I lost the map to the personal universe behind my green grey eyes. My head is spinning as I try to comprehend which habits are mine and which I created to please you. The spinning changes course as I try to remember the pieces of me I deleted for you, giving me…

This Year

I am focusing on myself this year. I have spent my entire life putting others first, not thinking twice. This of course can be a wonderful attribute to ones character, but becomes quite messy when it begins to take a toll on one’s health. I sacrifice myself for anyone over and over and over until…

Enthusiasm

Lately, I’ve been faking happiness acting like I’m okay when in actuality, all of my bones are shattered into dust remains and resting in the souls of my shoes. Before, I wasn’t really great at this. I was always told I was “as easy to read as a book” a simplistic book, I assumed. One…

I Wear My Heart Around My Neck

I wear my heart around my neck, now. It was covered by my sleeve and caged within my ribs. Here, on a delicate silver chain, it can be seen. It can feel.  Here, it is vulnerable. Here, it can be cut. Bruised. Sliced. Torn. Battered. Beaten. Here, it can be destroyed.  Here, it can be healed….

You Are Photokinetic

There’s a quote my mom once explained to me years ago. I wanted to understand it, to see it the way she did, the way she wanted me to see it. I couldn’t quite grasp it, though. Years later, I have begun to comprehend the 33 words. “An entire sea of water can’t sink a…

Award Winning Poetry

So, I entered a poetry contest. I submitted three poems; Bittersweet Sacrifices, Oh How You’ve Grown, and Rain. I wasn’t sure which of these would get the best response, if any response at all. I went into this contest excitedly, putting my work into the world. I didn’t expect to hear anything back from it….

If You’d Stayed

If you’d stayed three days longer Maybe things wouldn’t be this way. If you’d stayed four days kinder Maybe I wouldn’t feel betrayed. If you’d stayed five days stronger Maybe I wouldn’t be so fragile. If you’d stayed six days further Maybe life wouldn’t be such a battle. If you’d stayed seven days closer Maybe…

Canvas

We all start as a clean slate, an empty canvas. As we move through life, there are things, events, people, memories that shape us into who we are, little things like mom’s warm cookies or dances in the rain. I was born blank canvas with thin bristled brush to paint my world with all the…

Farewell

And to you, I say goodbye. Goodbye to your toxicity, your need to make me feel worthless. Farewell to your self hatred, it seeps through your skin and onto my own. So long to your mindset, believing things will never get better regardless. To you, I say goodbye. I will free myself from your long,…

Sleepless

As the sleet pings against my window pane, I think of you. I think of what I meant to you then and what I mean to you now. What changed? The sleet melts as it hits my window, turning into cascading waterfalls. I watch the water droplets create streams and endlessly crash into and away from…

To Resolute

As it is the New Year, I figured it to be rather fitting I decide upon my final resolutions and share them with you lovely, beautiful people. Write more. I m guilty of not always posting consistently, and for that, I apologize to you nd to myself. Writing quite literally heals me, as it allows…

Expressive Words

I find songs and quotes to express life and different emotions so beautifully. I fall in love over and over while listening to specific tunes and will spend hours on end searching for a quote that puts into words what I cannot. I have decided to take some of the most important people in my…

Happy At Home

There is something about being with the right people that feels so much like home, regardless of how long you’ve known them or your relationship with them. Personally, I find home to be sandy air or snowy nights, cookie scented kitchens and satin pajamas. Laughter filled air and old cartoons and Disney on TV with kittens tie together…

730

It’s been 2 years without you, now. 730 days and I still miss you the same. I still would do anything to have you back and to rewind to that December night. Gosh, so much has changed. Everything has changed but my love and yearning for you. I

Songs for Mom

The Best Day-Taylor Swift Long Live-Taylor Swift Heal-Tom Odell Ronan-Taylor Swift Back To December-Taylor Swift Breathe-Taylor Swift Don’t Let Me Go-Harry Styles Autumn Leaves-Ed Sheeran In Memory-Ed Sheeran Photograph-Ed Sheeran Quiet Ballad Of Ed-Ed Sheeran When You Can’t Sleep At Night-Of Mice and Men Amnesia-5 Seconds Of Summer Come Back, Be Here-Taylor Swift My Good…

Perspectives

I saw a picture somewhere on on Twitter that read “Do you ever wonder how an author would describe you? Not only your appearance but the way you talk and laugh and hold yourself and all the expressions on your face?” It really intrigued me. My first thought was to send a mass message out…

Butterflies

Butterflies always seem to be romanticized and portrayed as a beautiful, airy feeling you get in your stomach when you see someone. What about the butterflies that stir things up and attack your heart as you walk to the front of the room to present or get ready to perform? What about the butterflies that…

Girls

Virtually It was just a few megapixels on a screen. Just a few little words and links and suggestions. Nothing that should’ve upset me. It’s not like it’s permanently engraved in my brain or anything. You were just a young, bored teenage girl filled with wrath and estrogen and I was the first target in…

Do What Makes YOU Happy

Do what makes you happy. I don’t care if that means getting weird looks in the hallways or down the street or people claiming your choice “affects them.” If you want to where a dress, do it. Kill that high low chiffon summer dress or deep purple evening gown. If you want to cut your…

Freedom in Chaos

“I know storms end in peace and rain showers create rainbows. I know diamonds are formed from the hardest, most seemingly worthless coal and wisdom comes from pain. I know there is beauty in the aftermath but when you tell me to look forward and push for that magnificent ending, you are telling me I…

Resemblance  

   The first time watching Tangled, the animated Disney film about Rapunzel, I noticed the resemblance between young Rapunzel to her mother and my mother and I. I have been told for years that I looked like Rapunzel (my lengthy blonde hair) and even more so since the film’s debut in 2010. The animated princess…

Remembering Her Service

December 18th, 2013. Three days after my mom passed. It was on a chilly, dark Thursday night. The people who she loved and who adored her gathered, suffocated by the pain of losing such an amazing woman. Poems were written and songs were sang. Oceans were wept and laughs were shared. It was a painful,…

Zodiac

Aries, don’t forget to breathe. Taurus, promise yourself to follow through Gemini, treat yourself the way you want the one you love to treat themselves. Cancer, at times life will paralyze you and other times it will go by in flashes. Cherish every moment, especially the ones that seem insignificant. Leo, love yourself before loving…

Self Love

Within the past few months, I’ve become so much more accepting of myself and I am so thankful and proud of myself for that milestone. For years I lived putting all of my love into others, making certain those around me would never feel the absence of love. I never stopped to take a little…

Traces Of You

You are the blissful melody the birds sing outside my window on crisp Sunday mornings. You are the gentle Autumn breeze that picks me off the pavement and gets me on my way. You are the fierce rain droplets patterning on my rooftop, sliding and colliding down my windowpane. You are the abundant aroma of…

Changing Time

I was naive. I am aware. I was full of fear. I am humbly courageous. I was hopeful. I am hopeful. I was self conscious and uncomfortable in my skin. I am learning to love the body I’ve been given and accepting my own skin. I was flawed and hated the flaws. I am flawed…

Iris

She said “I love you” too often Because she grew up in a house where those were your first words and your last. She always wanted to remind others how much the meant and how deeply they were loved. She saw the pain and angst behind their eyes, she saw a bit of who she…

Kinder

Thank you. Whether you hear that often or not, you should know how thankful each and every one of us is for you. Sure, we may complain about the never ending homework and dull (sometimes) notes, but we deeply appreciate everything you do. You have dedicated your life to teaching us and making us aware…

You Aren’t Nothing 

I see it in you everyday; the subconscious shirt tugging, the nagging insecurity. I see the battle and horrid thoughts clouding your mind. The melody of unrealistic body image plays through your mind all day. Soon enough, it’s the only song you know. I hate seeing you like this, every morning and every day, hating…

“Special”

I can’t go into this right now, but if I could, I’d tell you just how special you are. That word is worn out and has lost its significance somewhere along these past decades. You are not ordinary. I simply do not care if you don’t believe so; I know you are. Some people’s responses…

Dearest Stranger,

Love gently, live simply. Doesn’t take a person to many falls to break. Speak respectfully, wander curiously. Never assume, for you never know what goes on behind closed doors and shut eyes. Thank often, make your love aware more. You never know how long it is until a person’s breath is their last. Savor the…

Open Wounds

Slashed so hard and left to heal with nobody around and nothing left to feel Gashes across my heart gape open there is nothing to say, words left unspoken It’s just temporary pain, that’s risking exposure. I just need something to gain back my sanity and composure. I need a band-aid, something to heal this…

Countries

I never imagined my writing would ever come this far, or even be meaningful to anyone. It blows my mind how much you guys have responded to my blog. Thank you so, so much. It makes me feel unbelievably incredible as I examine the ongoing list of countries which have viewed my blog. I am…

Rain

br /> Grieving and loss is like rain; the way it feels, pouring down onto your skin.   You aren’t prepared for this kind of storm; even if you have an umbrella or raingear. Nothing can protect you from what is to come. As you walk your way to your door, umbrella held high, the…

Ordinary

It is not rare when people approach me, asking questions about my life and praising my strength, saying I inspire them and have changed their view on life. Every time that happens though, I become confused. I thank them for the wonderful gesture, but ponder quietly to myself. There is nothing extraordinary about me, truthfully….

Waiting

I miss you And I’m waiting for your return. I’ve become quite impatient But all I want is for you to be home. I know your legs don’t work anymore, And I know blood no longer runs through your veins. I know your heartbeat stopped that December night, And I know mine almost did as…

This, I Believe

I used to think we lived without a purpose. We all live, and we all eventually die, thinking our goal in life is simply to live, to survive. If oblivion is upon us, then what’s the point in even trying? My mom had been experiencing cancer for the 2nd time for a little over a…

Fear

I believe that in life, everyone is afraid of something. Whether it is death, heights, water, change, or life itself, the fear always exists within us all.The thing we fail to realize, is that we are not afraid of “water” or “heights,” as we are lead to be believe. We are afraid of something much…

When I’m Down

I’m just going to start this post of by saying, I tend to be down a lot, in one way or another. I mean it’s naturally, considering what has happened in my life and that I am entering high school and all that jazz. I have read a lot of posts about people  ranting about…

2039

The year is 2039 and I still miss you the same. I am now 40 and it has been 26 years without you. They say things will be better but I am drowning in pain.   The year is 2039 and things haven’t changed. All I want is to see you again yet I must…

Time

We are all “limited edition”. Every single one of us. We don’t last forever. There is going to be a time when eventually, nobody will know who you are or what you did. 5 billion years from now, do you really think that the human species will remember Mozart or what he did, the biggest…

Nonexistent English Words

There are many things that you could say I am “obsessed” with. I prefer the term infatuated, but either works. There are bands in general, which I am constantly finding more and more I love. Writing, obviously. Listening to music, which I always do, even to fall asleep. The “obsession” the post focuses on though,…

Not About Angels

As some of you may know, “Not About Angels” is a song by 18 year old British phenomenon, Birdy. It was used in the soundtrack for the newly produced, book based The Fault In Our Stars movie. That book happened to be my favorite book, and one of my favorite actresses and favorite actor starred…

Pain is like time…

My life has a habit of slowly building itself backup, little by little, but finally when I actually believe things may have changed, everything gets knocked down, with an uncanny resemblance to Jenga. One piece gets pulled out of my life and I am worse off than when I started. It is extremely hard for…