Rewrite The Written

They say I have your words your state of mind and your empathetic demeanor. They say I carry you and your heart alongside mine and your pen in my hand. Am I your walking ghost? Am I a disarrayed collection of all you were, masked behind all your features and my own green eyes? I…

I Met Evil When I Was Only A Child

I met evil when I was only a child. It stepped onto my doorstep in late February. Evil drove as we spent consecutive hours, days, weeks, months in hospital beds and folding chairs the scent of the linoleum floor and sterilized air permanently perfumed our skin and stained our memories. Evil watched as the nurses…

You’re Going To Live Forever In Me

1,461 nights ago, your heart stopped in your chest and starting beating alongside mine. Your soul left your body and ours joined seamlessly though I am not entirely sure our souls were ever separate to begin with. We are made of the same stars the same flowing ink on pages of never written novels the…

Saudade

4 years ago today I was told you wouldn’t make it. 4 years ago today I didn’t think I would either.

Remember

“Remember this.” my mind muttered to me “Remember how it feels to lay next to her, to feel her beating heart and her gentle breath against your skin.” “Remember how it feels to be comforted simply by her presence, by knowing she’s right beside you.” “Remember feeling whole, complete.” I tried and I tried to hold…

Mother’s Day, Once More

Sitting here in my room missing you, again. Although, it’s not a sad feeling. It’s one of appreciation and longing. Yes, of course I do still feel empty, like I am lacking you. I am. I am missing the parts of my soul that were connected to yours. They left the same night you did….

Fading Flashbacks

There are days, weeks even that I swear I am okay. All is okay until I hear a laugh that sounds vaguely like yours or see a sweater in a store that you would have adored. Everything collapses in those moments. I feel my stomach drop onto the pavement or the sterilized linoleum. Each of…

Mother’s Day

It’s your day, Mom.  I remember our last Mother’s Day. I put together a beautiful little fruit plate in the shape of a flower with a caramel candy (your favorite) in the center. You laughed when you saw it when I walked in your room with the blue hand-painted-breakfast-in-bed table. Your ear to ear grin…

Moon//Stars//Sun

We used to be like the stars and the moon; constantly together, always to be found in one another’s arms. You shone delicately as you rose each evening into the inky night sky and I followed. I looked so tiny, so minuscule compared to you, but you assured me otherwise. You were there for me…

Room 214

My shoes squeak and echo on the slick floors as I feel my eyes moisten. The air is filled with an overwhelming scent of sanitizer and other various chemicals used to clean, but that somehow makes the air feel filthier. The chairs are comfortable at first, as I feel relieved to have a place to rest,…

730

It’s been 2 years without you, now. 730 days and I still miss you the same. I still would do anything to have you back and to rewind to that December night. Gosh, so much has changed. Everything has changed but my love and yearning for you. I

Aftermath

It kicks you in the chest when you are so devastated and in so much pain and you pick up the phone to call the one person you can’t. It dries your throat as you realize all the “Good morning!” and “How are you? Miss you!” and “Love you!” and daily fun fact texts stop…

Remembering Her Service

December 18th, 2013. Three days after my mom passed. It was on a chilly, dark Thursday night. The people who she loved and who adored her gathered, suffocated by the pain of losing such an amazing woman. Poems were written and songs were sang. Oceans were wept and laughs were shared. It was a painful,…

Waking Nightmare

Sometimes  I have lovely dreams Of being with her again, They are so realistic and all I want is to grasp every moment, And turn it into reality. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be with her, Happy and healthy, For as long as time allows. But time won’t. The crippled hands of disease stole…

Never

Where has the time gone? It seems just yesterday You were full of life and laughter, Eyes never fading to a gray. In truth it’s been several months, 11 to be exact. It feels like just yesterday We were together, laughing until we couldn’t breathe Yet slowly losing ourselves more and more every minute. There…

Bittersweet Sacrifices

My heart beats. Yours doesn’t. Blood flows fluidly through my veins. Yours has come to a halt. My chest rises and falls with every breath. Yours is forever frozen after your last. Water swallows my eyes at your memory. Yours are sealed shut, never to open again. I feel my bones creak as I walk…

Missing

That night changed everything. That cold air will never leave my lungs, But will never enter yours. There is a gaping hole in my chest That you used to fill. I long for you so much, That I am physically in pain. I think of you, And my gaze goes downward. My hands begin to…

This, I Believe

I used to think we lived without a purpose. We all live, and we all eventually die, thinking our goal in life is simply to live, to survive. If oblivion is upon us, then what’s the point in even trying? My mom had been experiencing cancer for the 2nd time for a little over a…