Sugar Coating The Bullet

When you told me you still wanted to be in my life, I couldn’t read my own thoughts.

I felt utter sadness

yet

also complete frustration.

I will always want you in my life but not in that way.

I don’t want you laughing across the table with my friends while I sit there, acting along.

I don’t want my heart to turn into liquid lead when I see your name brighten my phone once a week, one a month.

I don’t want to feel my muscles tense and my bones lock as you no longer point me out in a crowd.

I don’t want to keep listening to this damned playlist I made of Taylor Swift songs that describe my chaotic mind of hurt more than my own words can.

I don’t want to just go on pretending none of this, none of us ever happened.

I don’t want to act like what we had wasn’t so chaotically beautiful, even if it was for a moment.

I don’t want to be just another damn face to you.

 

I want to be in your arms.

I want to be the first one you play your new ukulele song for.

I want to run into your arms after not seeing you for weeks.

I want you to see your eyes light up when they meet mine like they did before.

I want us to grow together. I know we can.

I want to listen to the playlist we made together again and not hurt.

I want to add more songs to that playlist with you until eventually we are adding the songs that we wrote together.

I want you to believe in me the same way I did for you back in June.

I want you to give me, to give us another chance at this.

I want you to see there is still us left.

 

You asking to continue to be friends is like asking to keep the dog after it had been hit by a car.

Advertisements

One Comment Add yours

  1. Abbey Marrin says:

    Arden, I cannot relate to this any more closely. I dated my boyfriend for three years and we recently ended things. I know what it feels like and even though I know how bad it hurts, I am so happy someone else feels the same way I do about “still being” in each others’ lives. Thank you for writing this post. Abbey

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s