For this post, I decided to explore other people’s styles of writing, as well as others points of view. I wanted to see how others saw me, through their own honest perspective. I asked people to write letters to the past me, and they did so. It blows my mind and my eyes have been opened as I see what I mean to others, and how there are things you never notice affect others. These are the unedited letters sent to me straight from those in my life.
I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other.
–Eric Adamson quoting “The Vow”
Before I knew you, I didn’t know much about you. Although a admired you. Your beauty, creativity, strength, poise, and so much more. I know we aren’t the closest of friends, but you have impacted my life. You have shown me that someone can be incredibly strong, even at their weakest points. Thank you for that, I won’t ever forget it. Even though we had never met, before your birthday party (which you were so sweet to invite me to), I feel like I had known you forever. You were so bubbly and bright. And if there is one thing that you represent, it’s hope. You’re a beautiful person inside and out.
(Almost) Fifteen Year Old Me to Five Year Old You
Hi Arden! I don’t even know where to begin… Uh.. I’m Corina and I love you. That might sound crazy because you don’t know me yet, but let me tell you, you little munchkin are going to transform into a strong, beautiful woman. Your hair will one day grow from your cute bob into luscious golden locks that fall below your hips, you’ll stretch up and bloom like a flower, and you will mature into a wise little owl.
Life isn’t always going to be easy. You’re going to go through a hurricane of madness and you’re not going to understand why, and quite frankly, I don’t know why it’ll happen, either. What I do know is that I will always give you my ears to vent in, my shoulders to cry on, my heart to keep yours beating even if it means mine must come to a stop, and my arms to wrap around you when you need a hug.
Please keep your chin up. You have your whole life ahead of you and I can’t wait until we cross paths.
Keep your eye out for the awkwardly tall girl dressed like a ginger with a ukulele in the eighth grade when you go to the library for project presentations.
Much love to my favorite buttercup,
This is going to be the story of how I met you and beyond. Buckle your seatbelt a because this is a bumpy ride.
Seventh grade was a crazy year, probably for the both of us. I learned many knew things about people and friends. One thing I learned was how mean girls can be and how hidden they can keep it. But, a good thing I learned and I’m glad I did, is that you can still find an honest, good friend. I first saw you first period of the first day of seventh grade, that means both of us were *shivers* 12 year olds (soon to be 13 thank god, gotta love October birthdays). I was so dumb, I’m sure we can all agree, and I probably said the most shallow think ever. I said “She’s pretty, maybe she’ll be one of us.” Please kill me if those words ever escape my lips again oh my. Of course I was referring to “us” as in the “popular” crowd which I was hardly in, but still actually cared enough to try. Turned out we had 3 classes together and what I predicted was partially true. You didn’t become “one of us” (which trust me, was a complete blessing) but we did form a bond. School was crazy, but you quickly fit in and found your niche (at least from what I could tell). We had gym class together, and boy, what a time. We had our little group of me, you, and Paige (screw you if my grammar sucks, I’m on my period, please try me) and honestly it was great. You were and still are one of the nicest people I know in this entire world (I guess that’s not saying much since I don’t know many people but still). At the time I thought of you as one of the happiest people as well, you were always smiling, and of course you are very animated and enthusiastic so I think I was safe to assume it. I was wrong though. As much as it pained me to know that my views and assumptions of you were wrong, I knew there wasn’t much I could do to change what was already done. I did learn that sometimes what seems to be the happiest person, is actually the one going through the most trouble, and not to judge. One day we were taking a survey in health about mental health and you showed me on your paper you checked next to the have depression box and takes medication.I think it was your way of showing me you trusted me, but also telling me more about you. It came as a surprise to me, but not much because I do think you had already revealed to me that your mom had cancer. Easily one of the “happiest” people in my life had gone to one of the saddest, but also the most mysterious (you are Zayn Malik) (sorry).I was in 7th grade, I didn’t know much, but I knew how to be a good friend and that’s exactly what I wanted to be. Arden, thanks to you my obsession with One Direction soared to new heights. To this day I don’t know exactly what exactly brought me to this level, but I think for now we will place the blame on you. You would ALWAYS talk about them, and yes, I do mean always. It was nice though because I had someone to obsess with and I still do. Honestly 7th grade is a blur (not really but I try to tell myself that so I can block out the shit I experienced so my brain naturally murks up that part of my memory) so I’m going to fast forward to that summer.
I was super upset that you weren’t going to my school the next year because we had formed such a great friendship. I’m not good at keeping in touch with people when we don’t see each other on a normal basis and I was scared that would happen. Luckily that wasn’t the case for us.We probably kiked each other that entire summer. I think we grew even closer than we ever did during school so thanks technology. You told me a lot of stuff about you and I told you a lot about me. I knew you more than anyone I had ever known and I felt so good about that because you probably knew everything there was to know about me (which honestly isn’t that much I’m kind of boring). It was insane how close we got without even actually speaking a word to each other that entire summer which is weird, but it still happened and hey here we are and we are still pretty great. That summer you introduced me to this awful band 5sos that I would never create a fan account dedicated to them in a million years. Screw you. Now I’m bald and poor.
Then the next school year started. I literally did nothing all of 8th grade (I was putting into effect what I had learned that girls were mean so naturally I separated myself from the ones that caused issues) so as you were making friends I sat there watching from a distance and sort of being jealous that you could make such good friends that quick.My birthday came and I had a small get together that I never told you about because I felt so guilty for not inviting you. That was so dumb ew I hate people. Anyways then I got a concussion on your birthday and I know that because when the ref asked me what day it was (after the ball hit me in the head during a soccer game and yes boys made fun of me saying I should catch the ball with my hands next time but let’s get past that) and I immediately said October 17th because I knew it was your birthday. Stalker-like, am I right? So I was super pissed because that meant I couldn’t sleep over at your party and hang out that long. My mom almost didn’t let me go beside she was scared that it wouldn’t be good for me, but I’m glad I did because I can at least say I met your wonderful mother once in this beautiful friendship. The party was fun and your mom made everyone whisper happy birthday because she had a concussion back when she got hit by a bus (I think that’s the reason but still holy crap that’s so wow a bus) and she knew they could be bad (I’m sure a bus gives you a pretty bad concussion so she would know).
That December I got the worst phone call I’ve ever gotten. You were sobbing and I was really scared because I didn’t really know what to expect, but my heart dropped as soon as I heard your voice. You told me about your mom and I went into a mode like “it’ll be ok” or “I’m so sorry” and I tried to comfort you as much as I could, it was just hard because, what do you say? That’s so tough and I could never imagine what you went through and still go through. The 15th was a sucky day. That’s when I learned to never take things for granted and think about what you do or say first. You never really know when the last time you will be able to see your mom is or anyone really. To this day, no matter what you think about yourself, Arden, you are one of the strongest people I know. You’ve been through hell, and yeah maybe I don’t agree with some of the ways you handle it, but you know that I’m proud of where you are today. I didn’t know if I’d have an Arden for the longest time and I still worry, but I’m proud of you nonetheless 2014 was a pretty much boring year for me, an anticipation year. Your mom bought us killer WWA tickets while high on medication, I’ll always be thankful for that because THAT NIGHT WAS AMAZING AND NOW IM GETTING PCD SO. That summer I went to OBX with you and that was fun too. 2014 was a rambler I don’t even know what it was. I had some really high points and really low points. I don’t know about you, but we would have periodical meetings at your house and we’d talk about the last month or so and then watch a movie and fall asleep. Literally every time.
I guess all of this letter is about you, but it’s kind of about me I guess. I’ve grown as a person since I’ve met you, and you’ve contributed. Purposefully or not, you’ve taught me important life lessons. Not only have you taught me those lessons though, you have also given me an amazing friendship that I will always cherish and remember forever. You are a beautiful human being, Arden. Keep doing what you’re doing and changing people’s lives, because though you may think differently, you are doing it for the better and I am “eternally grateful” as the little alien guys would say in Toy Story to Buzz.
So I guess dear past Arden, see that girl with the brown hair in the back, with the blue bubble necklace and white v-neck shirt? Next to the Asian girl? That’s going to be one of your best friends, and you’re friendship will be great.
Hey Beautiful! You made me laugh, gasp, scream, and cry today; but mostly you made me smile. I found your blog. You stood up in the middle of class and told everyone that you loved to write. But you’re different; you don’t just say that you want to write, you actually do it. You are an amazing writer and you inspire me to write more, and more, each and every day.
You not only inspire me to write, but you also motivate me to keep going. I have not suffered nearly as many tragedies as you, but nonetheless, I still find it hard to wake up some mornings. Whenever I am having one of those days, when I am feeling completely worthless, I think of you. I think “if I just make it through five more minutes of this class I can see Arden and she can help me through this.” You’re my rock. I don’t know if you are even aware of how much you mean to me. If I were to lose you I don’t know if I could take that blow.
I found your Instagram today and found a poem that really spoke to me; I’m not sure if you wrote it, but it doesn’t really matter because it still spoke to you in some way. This was the poem…
It’s a funny thing
Those who are depressed
Always wear black
Stay away from everyone
But the truth is
Those who are sad
Seem the happiest
And give people the most advice
Because they don’t want anyone to feel
The emptiness they feel
And no one sees them at night
In their true mind
On the bathroom floor
With a tissue in one hand
And a razor in the other
Are the best actors
Knowing that other people are going through the same thing as you doesn’t make the pain go away, it just makes it more bearable. And feeling this way doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human.
I love you to the moon and back,
Dear the girl sitting at the side of the classroom,
I think you’re quite lovely. You have so many friends, and when anyone talks about you, its all good things. I want to be friends with you, but i know id never be good enough. You were beautiful, and best friends with the smart red head next to you. I could never be your friend.
Dear the girl who hasnt been here for a month,
I dont know where youve gone. I noticed you missing the first day you left. I was aftaid something happened to you. Maybe you moved and i never had the chance to be your friend. Soon i learned that your mother had passed of cancer. I cried for you. A friend told me i should talk to you, because she knew what “it was like for us.”
Dear the girl whose number is in my phone,
You are better then i thought. You understand the world of depression like no other. I wanted to be your best friend. I wish i could.
Dear the girl who shares my soul,
You are my best friend, even though you don’t know it. You’re everything i wish i could be, and i wish you knew how beautiful you truly are. Please don’t leave. if you leave so will i. I love you.
The girl who cares