Imagine

First, imagine meeting someone new, completly unknown to you. Then you get to know all of their little perks and quirks, like how they only ever eat the red and green skittles, how they don’t drink any other soda besides Diet Coke, how they absolutely refuse to wear any other shirts other than loose v-necks, and how they like their iced water with lemon exactly 8/10ths of the way filled with ice and one lemon with occasional sugar, and never forget the bendy straw. Then imagine letting them in on all of your deepest secrets, the things that you can barley even say aloud. Tell them how you aren’t nearly as good as school as people say you are, how you hide your secret candy cane stash in your closet, and how much you truly hate yourself. Imagine that person accepting you for who you are fully, not even trying to change a single thing about you. They love you for who you actually are, in the raw, rather than the “picture perfect” you are with your guard up. Imagine memorizing how this person breathes, how they say certain syllables, how their arms feel, warmly wrapped around your fragile body. Imagine this being the only person you can really speak to about anything without feeling judged or bombarded, the only person who you feel really loves you for who you are. Then, imagine watching them slowly weaken, day by day, you being completely helpless. When one day, this person completely disappears from you. No longer within your reach. Imagine feeling the pure, utter shock. You can never hold this person in your arms again, or get midnight snacks for no reason. Never again will you hear the warmth of their voice, no matter what you do. You will not ever be able to look into their world-changing eyes, and the words “I love you” will never be the same. Imagine driving in the car, immediatly every song on the radio is about them. Imagine everyone telling you “You’ll be okay” “They just died, you didn’t” “Wow I feel so bad for you” and everyone’s eyes, constantly staring at you, as if you’re a caged animal. They don’t understand, not a single one of them. You feel dead inside. You lost your only reason for breathing.

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